Learning to ask for help or accept it wasn’t on my list of things to do yesterday.
Yesterday was like any other Saturday in our house. I was sitting on the couch reading a book while the girls played around the house with a friend from next door.
I was a mess emotionally, mentally and physically. I hadn’t showered since Friday morning. My hair was a wreck and I was dressed in the shittiest set of clothes I could dig out of the drawer.
And here I sat doing my thing attempting to take a break from the chaos of my life.
You see I don’t talk about my personal life much on the blog.
But here’s the thing when you have a spouse that works away from home, nights or travels a lot for work it can be hard to handle. I’ve personally had a rough go at it these last few months but so far no one has been hospitalized or died. It’s all an adjustment. So I feel like I’ve succeeded thus far. There are things that fall through the cracks at times, but we figure it out. Sometimes we just need an extra hand to do it.
What it looks like on Instagram or Facebook isn’t what it looks like inside my home and my friends and neighbors have picked up on that.
It was 8 pm and our guest needed to go home but any good neighbor wouldn’t let a child walk home in the dark.
Despite my appearance and state of mind, I walked her home with my two kids in tow.
Upon arrival, we were greeted (thankfully it was dark) and they insisted on me staying for a while.
It didn’t take long for them to ask me how I was doing and insist on me telling them if I needed anything.
THE MINDSET BLOCK
After being told several times that they were all here for me and to ask if I needed help I was brought to tears. I was sitting in front of 6 adults crying and I couldn’t stop it. I wanted to run and hide in a hole. But they wouldn’t allow me to be alone in that state.
I don’t cry in front of adults. I never put myself out there like that.
It wasn’t tears because my husband is away working. The tears happened because of the simple offer. For someone to reach out and offer to pick something up from the store, mow my lawn or even help out with repairs around my house brought me to tears.
I don’t have family close. These people in my neighborhood have stood up and said, “I will help you and you don’t need to repay me.”
Everyone always offers but I’ve never gone out of my way to ask for that help. If someone comes over and just does something I won’t turn them away. That’s the extent of it for me though.
I grew up in a house that shielded needs like this away for fear of that pride being hurt.
LEARNING TO ASK FOR HELP ISN’T WEAKNESS
You see for so long I’ve felt that I was weak by asking for help. In fact, I sent this message to my husband tonight.
You see I was feeling weak, needy and even helpless. I don’t want anyone to ever feel like my ask for help is taking advantage of them in any way. I have felt too proud, independent and strong myself. It’s only natural since that was the way I grew up.
I’ve talked about how it’s okay to ask for help before, but I wasn’t in this frame of mind when I wrote that.
So far since he’s been away, I had thought that asking or receiving help was weak.
It’s not and it’s far from it.
THEY DON’T OFFER FOR THE SAKE OF OFFERING
When someone genuinely offers to help you they aren’t doing it to make themselves look good or feel good. They are doing it because they care about you and want to help out.
Even if it’s allowing someone to cut your grass that’s okay.
Just because you can do it all doesn’t mean you need to do it all. This was also something my husband and several other people told me after I admitted my feelings on this topic.
Someone else said, “When we’ve spent every last bit of what we have to give doing everything, we have nothing left to give to our loved ones or ourselves.”
RELATED: How To Handle Anger & Be A Calm Mom
BEING VULNERABLE DOESN’T MEAN WEAKNESS
I’ve been more vulnerable in the last 36 hours than I had ever wished to be in front of people that don’t know me that well.
But it happened and it’s out there and I’m going to have to be okay with that.
What comes from being vulnerable is growth. This door has opened for me and there is no shutting it now.
But there is something I can do… I can pay it forward when it’s my turn and there is something to be said for being on the other side of that. It feels good to be genuinely invested in a community where people care about you to do more than just wave as they drive by.
SO WHAT DOES THIS MEAN FOR YOU?
This has been full of I, me and my… but what does this mean for you? It means you shouldn’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it. You shouldn’t be ashamed to accept help when it’s offered.
Don’t feel like you need to repay it each time it’s given. Just repay it when the opportunity presents itself.
Repeat after me:
I am worthy of accepting this help.
Acknowledging I need help is a strength.
It is not shameful or needy to receive help from others.
I am capable of doing it all but I don’t have to do it all.
And just remember, “Do Unto Others As You Would Have Them Do Unto You.”