Have you ever felt like the people in your life are intruding in on your family? Or have you felt like you’re the never-ending people pleaser… always saying yes to everything and everyone.
Maybe, just maybe it’s time to learn how to set boundaries around your family.
When you get to the point of feeling like everyone else is making the decisions in your life for your family it’s time to set some boundaries and stick to them.
But how do you set boundaries around your family?
I think before you can set boundaries you have to first get to the root of the problem.
Signs You Need Boundaries
Is your work life overflowing into your family life? What about to-do list items that you aren’t thrilled about? Not to mention other people in your life that don’t respect your space or time. Family time is crucial for everyone to have and it’s important that we set boundaries around it.
When you get overwhelmed and stressed out it can become extremely difficult to say no. You don’t want people to feel like you’re weak and incapable and asking for help can feel intimidating.
Boundaries are exactly what you need to tell the people in your life that you won’t tolerate the intrusion anymore.
Why You Need To Set Boundaries
Setting boundaries will do so many wonderful things for your life and family. It’s getting there that can be hard.
Boundaries give you that sense of control back. Yes, you know the control you feel like you’ve lost since you haven’t figured out how to say no.
You shouldn’t feel obligated to go to every function that you’re asked to attend. You can say no without giving any excuses as to why. So take back the control in your life mama and don’t let go of it again.
Boundaries allow you to say no to those things. You know the word, right? No. Let’s say it together. No.
Say no to the things that don’t align with your family values. Say no to the things that make you feel stressed out and overwhelmed. Say no to the things that don’t make you or your family members happy.
There is no reason to be unhappy. You’ve been there. I’ve been there. I’ve come home after a long day of busyness and taken my anger out on my family.
No more of that because you’re going to learn to say no.
Boundaries allow you to support your family values. If you’re in a pinch and up against a wall with someone encroaching on you and your family then fall back on your values.
Ask yourself… does this thing they are asking me to do really benefit my family and what is important to us?
You see because if someone is asking you to attend an event or they are asking you to lend something and it doesn’t align with your values then you will be able to say no easily.
This is especially true when it comes to your opinions and beliefs. When family members pipe up and say things that aren’t in line with what you are teaching your children… you have your boundaries.
By not allowing your boundaries to be crossed people will learn to respect you more, or not and that is perfectly okay too.
So how do you implement boundaries?
Learn How To Set Boundaries That Stick
I’ve mentioned a few times already but the first place to start is your family values. So what are they?
What are my family values?
That’s a really great question and I think it’s one that will take time to figure out. First, you need to sit down with your spouse and talk through it.
What is important to you and your family?
What makes you happy?
This is an important exercise to do as an entire family too. Get your kids involved if they are old enough.
Determine your limits. You need to figure out what your limits are. Do you have a rule where you won’t answer the phone after a certain time?
Do you have things you’re teaching your kids that your family doesn’t necessarily believe or even respect?
Limits can be emotional, mental, physical, or spiritual.
Figure out what your limits are so you know when to draw the line.
This has happened for me on several occasions and they usually revolve around how I’m choosing to raise my children and the outdated beliefs of our family and friends.
While I love those people I don’t love their opinions so I draw the line with opinions that don’t mesh with my own.
Determine your consequences. This has to be a real thing. If someone violates your limits and boundaries what happens?
If people are spurting out offensive things around you and your kids then do you leave or ask them to leave?
If someone asks you for advice then ignores your suggestions do you assume that they don’t respect your opinions and stop giving advice?
Just remember the only person or people you can control here are yourself and your children. You cannot change anyone else or their opinions so you must create consequences that you can control.
Call your offenders out and don’t feel guilty about it. Here’s the deal. No one is going to respect your boundaries if you don’t call them out on it. They probably won’t even know what your boundaries are until you tell them.
It’s likely that you won’t tell them until you’re already in an uncomfortable situation.
So when you’re calm and you have a chance to talk to the offender call them out and do not under any circumstances feel guilty.
Remember you are protecting your family here.
Do what you say. It’s so important to do what you say you’re going to do. So if you say you’re not going to tolerate a certain behavior then you have to stand by that.
Telling your parents you aren’t going to tolerate giving your kids tons of sweets all the time means sticking by it and standing up for those boundaries.
Own all of it. Own every single boundary you have and be proud of them. Because you are setting boundaries for a reason not just to waste hot air.
So stand up and shout them loud.
For example, no screen time after a certain time is a boundary no matter where your kids are at. That means voicing those when your kids go places.
No sleepovers with kids of the opposite sex means just that. Get really clear about your boundaries and own the crap out of them.
And just remember at the end of the day this is your family. Your life. Your decisions. You and your spouse get to decide what is best for your kids and you have to set those boundaries around your family unit.
Otherwise, you’re going to end up feeling exhausted and like someone else is pulling the puppet strings on your life.
So are you ready to set boundaries? I think a great place to start is by figuring out just what your family values are.
Determine Your Family Values!
Learn what your family values are today so you can use them as a guide in your household.